One of the first things that a newcomer to the Philippines or to any country would do is secure a driver’s licence. Here in the Philippines, the agency that issues drivers’ licences is the Land Transportation Office or commonly called by its initials of LTO.
It’s one of the first things that I did in order to be able to drive around my hometown. It’s also one of the immediate things that my niece’s husband, Bram, did when he, his wife, Adrienne, and their two sons moved to the Philippines from the Netherlands in 2019.
My niece, Adrienne, a scientist at Philips Netherlands, was recruited by UnionBank of the Philippines and Aboitiz Data Innovation to lead their AI (Artificial Intelligence) Center of Excellence. Her leadership has given the Philippines more visibility in the AI world.
Her husband, Bram, stands at 6 feet and 7 inches tall or 200 centimeters. He is a Dutch, and the Dutch, are among the tallest people I’ve met. I have known two or three who were of normal height, but all the others towered over most people. In the Philippines, Bram reminds me of Gulliver in the country of the Lilliput.
In the story by Jonathan Swift, Gulliver, a surgeon, took to the seas in order to find work. The ship, unfortunately, sank and he ended up shipwrecked in Lilliput, inhabited by Lilliputians, who were only 6 inches tall.
The Lilliputians had peculiar concerns. They tangled over on which end eggs should be broken: Is it on the big end or the small end? Is an important office vacant? Let the best rope dancer get the position.
Bram went to the LTO in Quezon City as he was informed that it’s the office that can process driver’s licence for foreigners. I have been to the LTO here in my hometown. To compare the crowd size and situation there to a zoo, beggars the zoo. At least in the zoo, there are new things to learn, and you have space to breathe.
“It’s a very crowded place,” my sister-in-law describes the office. “Too many, many people,” she emphasized.
The office also has the peculiar rule for their client, the public. Shorts are banned. The public must wear long pants inside LTO offices. The Philippines is a tropical country and normally people in the tropical country prefer to wear shorts not because they want to disrespect anyone or show off the varicose veins on their legs but because for one simple reason—it is hot in the tropics. Therefore, wearing shorts is a normal thing to do in a very warm country.
Not aware of the office’s dress code, Bram wore shorts, the type of long shorts, almost knee-length, that men usually wear. His attire must have missed the eagle eyes of the security at the LTO because he was able to get in.
He went inside the office, approached one of the customer service windows. The height of the customer service window was normal for most of us but for him who towers like Gulliver, he had to almost kneel in order to be eye level with the customer service staff. Otherwise, she would be talking to his stomach.
“Hello, I’d like to get a Philippine driver’s licence,” he told the woman behind the glass partition.
“You have to get a medical exam,” she replied.
“Where can I get my medical exam?”
“There are medical clinics outside the office. They will take your blood pressure, your height, and test your vision.”
Bram walked outside, looked for the medical office, and found one. He was examined for his BP and his vision.
“We need to measure you to get your height,” said a clinic staff.
They walked over to the wall where they had the wall chart to measure people’s height.
Bram stood beside the wall ruler, and the people in the clinic including the staff burst out laughing.
“I was taller than the ruler on the wall,” he said. He towered over it by a few centimeters.
After they finished laughing, the clinic staff believed Bram when he told them he was 200 centimeters tall.
When he was done, he walked back to the LTO office. He was about to enter, when security flagged him.
“You cannot enter wearing shorts,” the security said.
“But I was able to enter this morning,” Bram reasoned.
“I don’t know but you cannot enter now,” the guard insisted.
“What do I do?” Bram cannot return home just to change to long pants. Imagine the traffic and the time wasted on the way.
“There are vendors outside that sell long pants,” the guard said, pointing to a few of vendors outside the building.
Bram obediently walked over to one of the vendors.
“How much is your pair of long pants?” he asked a vendor.
“One hundred pesos,” said the vendor.
“I only have PHP40. May I rent them? I promise to return them in a few hours,” he pleaded.
The vendors agreed to rent him the pants. They rummaged around their bag of second-hand pants to find something that might fit until they landed on a pair of sweatpants that were most likely, originally, black but had now become grayish in colour.
Bram wore the sweats and pulled them over his shorts. Lo and behold, because the pants were the size fit for a Filipino than a towering Dutch, the sweats were only a bit longer than his shorts. Aside from being too short, the sweats were too wide for him, and they sagged. They were falling off his thin frame. He held them up by his hands and sort of walked and waddled toward the LTO office.
He presented himself to security. “May I enter now?” he asked, clutching his pants around the waist.
Security looked him up and down. Satisfied that the sweatpants, which were only a few inches longer than his shorts, met their “No Shorts” policy, he let Bram in.
He got his driver’s licence, left the office, and returned the pants that he rented.
He and Adrienne look back at the experience and laugh. The humour was the best part of the experience, and the next best part is being able to drive around the country and explore what the Philippines offers.
The story has kindness, too—the pants vendor relenting to rent the pants instead of selling. I find that the ineptitude and inefficiency of the government offices in the Philippines are compensated by the kindness of the Filipinos.
I do hope, though, that LTO or any government office, will not be like the Lilliputians, arguing over on which end the egg gets to be broken. Is it on the large end or on the small end? A streamlined efficient process is always preferable to getting bogged down by a pair of shorts.
The truth can be funnier than fiction, as this story proves!
"I find that the ineptitude and inefficiency of the government offices in the Philippines are compensated by the kindness of the Filipinos. “ <- So well said! That is really true!